Always wanted to be a girl who is popular among people, whom people admire, who is not just another girl but something special for at least some people. But I guess I wasn’t made for that. My friends used to get compliments, boys used to like them… be friends with them and I was the most Unpopular girl. Reason being the simple, I was Fat. I wasn’t having the perfect figure, the beautiful body shape.
I was more of an embarrassment for people rather a person. It was even so hard to be friends with the popular girls of School or College. I was not perfect to fit in their Girl gang, according to them, as I was so big. They had the image to maintain and I would have spoiled their perfect gang if I was with them.
I used to come home and cry thinking all these things every day. I used to wonder why I can’t be the most happening person. Why people don’t want to be friends with me? Why I am not treated like other girls? And I never got the answer.
Okay, I am not here promoting eve teasing at all, but sometimes Girls like a boy commenting something good about her or maybe a stranger asking her out (but in a healthy way). My friends used to get these proposals in front of me and I used to feel bad just because no one even looked at me once. People use to stare at my friends and smiling at them when I was with them but that was never the case with me. Our Gang of girls and boys… All were committed and even after that used to get new proposals every day and I was the only one sitting alone in the group of couples.
It all used to hurt me and I used to share this with my Best friend. She was the only one to say you are very beautiful. But obviously I knew I am her friend and that is why I am getting this compliment. My friends used to get marriage proposals from boys and even “rishtas” coming for them through family friends. They used to reject proposals and I was the one getting rejected from each and every person. I always wondered why can’t I get these rishtey?
I have always heard everyone saying “Ladkiyan toh patli hi achi lagti hain, slim-trim si” ,“Moti ladkiyon ki toh shaadi bhi nahi hoti”, “beta jaldi weight kum kar le teri shaadi ki age hone wali hai jaldi… koi apna ladka nahi dega tujhe”. And many more comments like this. And my reaction, what the hell is all this? Even elder people are telling me this? Seriously? They should be the one to motivate me to live my life happily and they are the one actually making me feel worse about me. Indian Society… Right? They will never allow you to live happy even if you are perfect. They will find a way to make you feel depressed anyhow.
And what made my condition more worse was people trying to get close to me, but only for their needs. I haven’t yet find out why only married man getting attracted to me? Even a married man once gave me a proposal for being her second wife. That was something which made me feel disgusting. Like seriously a 21 year old girl will ever choose to be a second wife of a man having two small kids? Why? Seriously why? I don’t think so I deserve this in life. This was 3 years ago.
I went to Pune after that and was not having a job for 8 months because of a new place. That was the time I wasn’t having friends with me and decided to concentrate on myself. I started surfing things on net and got fashionable clothes and makeup for myself. I started admiring myself and that was the thing which boosted my confidence. And suddenly attitude of people towards me changed.
What I learned from this was to love myself more and more each day. Till now, I get rejected by many smart and handsome hunks of world but that doesn’t affect me at all now. Coz all these years taught me only one thing; I can’t be the Girl of anyone’s dream because I am not an imagination. I am a proud Plus Size girl who is as real as any other slim girl.
I don’t need a fake love for me coz one day the right person will see the real girl hiding in this big body and will love her for all the care & love she has, skills and talents she keeps and moreover for all the faults in her. I am a real girl who would love anyone to love her for her faults and scars rather than a perfect body. I am not perfect and nor does I want to get the perfect body; I want someone to accept me and love me perfectly.